


The Lies You're Forced to Tell

by isnonstop



Series: At Your Mercy [2]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - BDSM, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-09
Updated: 2017-12-09
Packaged: 2019-02-12 13:15:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12959988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isnonstop/pseuds/isnonstop
Summary: "Now that you're going to be starting elementary school it's time for you to wear a marker so everyone knows your a dominant."John frowned, "But Mama said I was a sub.""Your mother is mistaken," Father said, eyes narrowing a bit. "You are a dominant, John."





	The Lies You're Forced to Tell

**Author's Note:**

> There is a brief mention of domestic abuse in this one. It's fairly vague but there, so just a word of warning.

John was five the first time he heard Mother and Father fighting. Well, it was less of a fight and more of Father yelling at Mother for something that she'd done (or not done, John's a bit hazy on the details). 

He was in his room playing with his lego when the yelling started. At first, he just ignored it, thinking Father was on the phone with someone from work. Father always yelled when he was talking to people at work. The sound of Mother's soft voice talking back startled John, making him frown down at his lego's as Father's voice grew louder and angrier. 

John stood up, carefully moving around his legos so he didn't break his creations as he made his way to the door. 

"I won't allow it!" Father yelled, voice filled with anger. "He is my first born son and heir and he will not be a submissive."

"But he is," Mother's words were quiet, almost too quiet for John to hear as he tip-toed down the steps. 

"He isn't," Father said firmly, a loud bang punctuating his words. John paused on the steps, listening as what sounded like a pile of books was knocked onto the floor. "John is a dominant. He will be raised as a dominant and that's final."

"Henry-"

" _Enough_!" John heard the sound of a slap and Mother gasp softly in pain. Father's voice was low and dangerous when he spoke again, "John will be treated as a dominant and no one will know otherwise. I will hear nothing more on the matter. Understood?"

"Yes, Sir," Mother whispered, voice shaking slightly. John frowned, leaning against the wall just outside Father's study. 

"Good," Father said, footsteps heading across the room towards the window. John jumped when Martha started crying in her room having just woken up from her afternoon nap. He glanced up the stairs as Mother came rushing out of Father's office to go get to her.

"John!" Mother gasped, surprised to find him standing there. "You startled me, darling."

"Sorry, mama," John said, brow furrowing as he saw the red mark on her cheek. Mother gave him a small smile, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. 

"It's okay, darling," she said. "Why don't you go back upstairs and play with your toys?"

"John!" Father called, appearing in the doorway of the office. John stiffened, instinctively standing up straighter. "Come here."

"Yes, Father," John said, giving Mother a quick hug before following Father into his office. John wasn't often allowed into Father's office, not that he particularly wanted to spend time there. It was boring with lots of big books and no toys. 

"Come here, John," Father said, leading his son over to the desk. 

"Is that for me?" John asked, pointing to the box sat on the center of Father's desk.

"Yes," Father nodded, opening the box and taking out the light grey cuff. "Now that you're going to be starting elementary school it's time for you to wear a marker so everyone knows your a dominant."

John frowned, "But Mama said I was a sub."

"Your mother is mistaken," Father said, eyes narrowing a bit. "You are a dominant, John." 

"But-"

"John," Father snapped, grabbing his chin in a firm grip. "You are a dominant. Your mother is wrong. Now, are you going to behave and put on the cuff?" John gave a small nod and Father released him. "Good. Give me your arm."

John held out his right hand and watched as Father wrapped the cuff around his wrist, clasping it tightly.

"There," Father said, patting John's shoulder when it was fastened. "Now, go play. I've got work to do."

"Yes, Father," John said, turning and heading towards the door.

"And John?" Father called, making John pause and look back at him.

"Yes, Father?"

"There will be no more speaking of this being a submissive business. You are a dominant and if I hear you saying otherwise there will be consequences," Father said, giving John a firm and dangerous stare. "Are we clear?"

"Yes, Father," John nodded, left hand wrapping around the cuff around his wrist. 

"Good," Father nodded, sitting down at his desk. 

\---

John tapped the fingers of his left hand on the arm of the chair, leg bouncing slightly as he waited for his name to be called. Henry was sat beside him, reading something on his phone. 

"How long is this going to take?" John asked, looking around at the other recently of age kids waiting to get their marks. 

"The mark itself takes around ten minutes," Henry said, not looking up from his phone. "I don't know how long the wait will be."

"Right," John sighed, running a hand through his hair. He was nervous, not because of the pain of getting his mark tattooed onto his skin, but rather because he knew that while his father insisted that he was a Dominant, his medical records would show otherwise. 

"John Laurens," a voice called, making John jump as he looked up. 

"That's me," he said, stand and moving towards the woman standing in front with a clipboard in hand.

"Follow me please," she said, turning and leading him down the hall. The facility where marks were given was a strange mix of a doctor's office and a tattoo parlour. It was unsettling and only seemed to make John even more nervous as he was led into a room where he would be receiving his mark. 

"Please take a seat," the woman said, gesturing to the chair in the center of the room. "The technician will be with you momentarily."

"Thanks," John said, sitting down and fiddling with the cuff still on his left wrist. Technically he could have removed it the day he turned eighteen but Henry had insisted that John wear it until he had a chance to return home during a long weekend and get his mark. Why Henry hadn't let John just get his mark in New York where he was studying John didn't know and didn't care to think too much about.

"Hello, John," a new voice said, drawing John's attention to the door. The man who entered looked familiar but John couldn't quite place where he'd seen him before. "My name is Anthony and I'll be giving you your mark today."

"Nice to meet you," John said, watching the man close as he opened John's chart. 

"So," Anthony said, reading over the information. "You're a dominant yes?"

_No_

"Yes," John said, giving a slow nod as he waited for Anthony to contradict his words with the medical information included in his chart. But instead, Anthony just nodded and placed the chart on the counter before moving to sit on the stool next to John's chair. 

"So, this will only take a couple minutes," Anthony said, grabbing the tattoo gun. "As I'm sure you know, the dominant mark is a circle with a dot in the center which is placed on the inside of your left wrist. It will hurt a bit but it won't be too bad and the pain will only last for a day or so. Any questions?"

"No," John said softly, looking away as Anthony turned on the tattoo gun. He couldn't bring himself to watch the mark being permanently etched into his skin. He knew that no matter what his father said, no matter what anyone thought he was a submissive. And having the reminder of the horrible lie he had to live made him feel sick. 

"There," Anthony said after a few minutes where the only sound that could be heard was the buzz of the tattoo gun. "All finished. Now apply this cream three times a day for ten days and try to keep the mark as dry as possible for a week." 

"Thanks," John said, grabbing the bottle of cream from Anthony without looking at him. 

"And you can take that cuff off now," Anthony added as John made his way to the door. The grey cuff still securely around his right wrist. "You don't need it anymore. You're an adult now."

"Yeah, thanks," John said, leaving the room quickly and heading back to the waiting room where his father was sat.

"All done?" Henry said, standing as John returned. 

"Yes," John said, walking past Henry to leave the building. If he stayed there for a moment longer he was going to be sick.

"Let's get home then," Henry rested a hand on John's shoulder, guiding him to the car. "Your mother will have dinner ready by now."

\---

"John! Mon ami!" Lafayette pounced on John as soon as he entered the common room on their floor in Carman Hall. 

"Hey, Laf," John chuckled, returning their hug with a smile.

"How was your weekend?" Lafayette asked, pulling John over to sit on the sofa where Lafayette's laptop and notebooks were laid out. 

"Good," John shrugged, sighing as he leaned back in the chair. "It was nice to see my siblings and mom. But dealing with my dad is never fun. How was your break?"

"It was fine," Lafayette shrugged. "Campus was quiet with so many people gone for the long weekend." 

"I thought you were supposed to be going to see that friend of yours from boarding school," John absently rubbed his thumb over his Dominant mark. 

"Yeah, but he never answered my emails," Lafayette sighed, pouting a bit. "I haven't heard from him since right after school started. I think he's avoiding me."

"I thought you were good friends," John said, laying down and resting his head in his friend's lap. "And aren't you cousins or something?"

"Yeah, his mother and mine are sisters," Lafayette hummed, absently playing with John's hair. "And we're very good friends. But I'm pretty sure he was quite mad at me the last time we spoke." 

"Does he not have a phone or anything?" John asked curiously.

"I don't know," Lafayette shrugged. "Probably not. Not anymore since signing his betrothal contract with his dominant."

"Why don't you call your Aunt and ask?" 

"Because she hasn't spoken to any of the family since she got married," Lafayette explained. "No one approved of who she chose to marry."

"Oh," John frowned. 

Lafayette sighed with a nod, "It doesn't matter right now. Let's talk about happier things."

"Like what?" John raised an eyebrow at Lafayette. 

"Like how my Hercules will be returning in a couple hours," Lafayette grinned, eyes alight with excitement. 

"He's not _your_ anything," John laughed.

"Not yet," Lafayette winked, a small smirk playing on their lips. John laughed, grabbed a notebook and hitting Lafayette over the head with it. 

"Ow!" Lafayette gasped, pouting down at John. "Rude."

"Whatever," John laughed, rolling off the couch and standing. "I'm hungry. Let's go get something to eat while we wait for the others to get back to campus."

"Alright," Lafayette said, packing up their things. "Let's go, mon ami."

\---

John was getting ready for bed when Alex entered their dorm room, dropping his duffle bag down by his bed with a sigh. 

"Hey, John," Alex said, flopping down on his bed with a tired sigh. 

"Hey, Alex," John said, kicking his dirty clothes into a pile in the corner. He'd clean them up at some point but he was too tired from spending the evening with Lafayette to care about them at the moment. "Have a good break?"

"Yeah," Alex said, staring up at the ceiling. "Martha's cooking made the trip worth it."

"How're your parents?" John asked, sitting on his bed and grabbing his sketchbook. 

"They're good," Alex said, sitting up and leaning against the wall to watch John. "They're thinking about coming to visit soon." 

John hummed, rubbing his thumb over his mark. Alex's caught sight of the action and smiled. 

"You've finally got your mark," Alex said brightly, smiling. "Why did your father make you wait until you went home? There are places in New York where you could have gotten it done?"

"I don't know," John shrugged. "Henry's weird."

_He couldn't bribe the centers in New York to lie and give me the wrong mark._

"Yeah well, you've got it now," Alex said with a smile. "We should go out tomorrow night and celebrate! I'll be your wing man! Help you pick up a pretty sub!"

"Yeah sure," John said, a knot forming in his stomach at the thought. Just the idea of 'picking up a pretty sub' made him sick. But Alex would get suspicious if he didn't go out and John couldn't let that happen. 

"Great!" Alex grinned. "We can make Laf and Herc come too. It'll be great!"

"Yeah, great," John said softly, looking down at his notebook. 

"Are you okay?" Alex asked, frowning a bit at John's lack of enthusiasm. 

"Yeah, just tired. I flew in early from South Carolina and then went out with Laf," John closed his sketchbook, having barely drawn anything, and placed it on the desk at the foot of his bed. "I think I'm going to get some sleep."

"Okay," Alex shrugged, standing and grabbing his laptop. "I'm going to go do some work in the common room."

"You'll try to get some sleep at some point tonight right?" John asked, sliding under the blankets. 

"Yes," Alex said, not sounding at all convincing. "Night John."

"Night Alex," John said, rolling to face the wall as Alex left, shutting off the lights as he went. 

\---

  John was pretty sure he was in Hell. Or at the very least God was laughing at him and punishing him for all the lies he's told over the course of his life. Ever since coming back from South Carolina with a Dominant mark on his wrist, Alexander had been determined to set him up with very eligible submissive they came across. John wasn't sure why Alexander was so determined to get John to date, but it was annoying. And exhausting. Pretending to be a dominant was easier when someone wasn't watching his every move and pushing him towards every submissive that even so much as looked at John. Alexander was relentless, especially when he got an idea into his head and nothing John could do would stop him.

Well, one thing would stop him. But telling Alex that he wasn't really a dominant, that he'd been lying his entire life, was out of the question. 

So John just pushed through and let Alex throw submissives at John with a determination that was alarming. And John continued to lie and find reasons why he never had a second date with any of the submissives Alex set him up with. And it was going okay - John was miserable and exhausted all the time but no one suspected he wasn't truly a dom so that counted as going okay in his books. 

Until one day it wasn't. 

It started how most of John's shitty days did - with an email from Henry, who was once again complaining to John about not settling down and not studying Law and a million other things John was doing wrong. John deleted the email without responding and tried to go about his day without thinking about it. But he was already in a terrible mood and the day just got worse from there. 

He got drenched on his way to class when it suddenly rained without warning. 

He found out he had a quiz in one of his classes that he didn't study for. 

He'd received a failing grade on one of his essays and had to meet with a professor he hated. 

And to put the icing on the cake, when he arrived back at his dorm completely exhausted and ready to just curl up in bed and cry, Alexander was waiting with a mischevious grin. 

"Guess what?" Alex said, bouncing on his toes. 

"What?" John sighed, pulling off his still damp hoodie and tossing it into his laundry pile. He should probably do some washing but that could wait at least another day.

"I've set up a double date for us," Alex grinned, entire body vibrating with excitement. "For tonight. So go take a shower and get dressed." 

John was exhausted, mentally and physically. He was cold and his body ached. And hearing that Alex had arranged _another_ date for him was just too much. 

"No," John said, closing his eyes to hold back the tears that were involuntarily building. 

"What?" Alex frowned. "John, it'll be fun. It's-"

"Alex, no," John said, voice shaking a bit. 

"But-"

"Alex, _please_ ," John swallowed, rubbing his eyes as a few tears managed to escape. "Please, stop." 

"John," Alex rested a gentle hand on John's arm, confusion and worry filling his face. "John, what's wrong? Are you okay?"

"No," John whispered, too tired to even fight it anymore. He leaned into Alex a bit, pressing his face to the dominant's shoulder. 

"What's wrong?" Alex asked, wrapping John in a hug, pulling him close.

"I can't do it anymore," John whispered, breath catching in his throat.

"Do what?" Alex's voice was soft as he carefully led him over to John's bed. He sat down, pulling John with him. John curled into Alex's side, breath coming out in soft gasps as he tried desperately not to cry. Years of lying and suppressing his submissive instincts, of denying himself the comfort of letting someone else take control were coming back to bite him in the ass. If he hadn't had such a crappy day he probably would have been able to fight this back and continue to hide. But he was too tired to bother fighting anymore. And he couldn't bring himself to care at the moment if he lost Alexander's friendship.

"Lie anymore," John whispered, choking back a sob.

"Lie about what?" Alex gently ran a hand through John's hair, scratching his scalp in a way that made John want to purr with satisfaction. Instead, he sobbed, clutching Alex's shirt tight as he curled in closer. "John, lie about what? What's wrong?"

John's voice was muffled by the skin of Alex's neck when he whispered, "I'm not a dom."

"What?" Alex whispered. "I didn't hear that. What did you say?"

"I'm not a dom," John repeated, loud enough for Alex to hear but just barely. "I'm a sub, Alex."

"You're a sub," Alex repeated, pulling back to cup John's face gently. John kept his eyes closed as he nodded slightly. "John, look at me please."

John swallowed, taking a shaky breath as he opened his eyes. He expected to see anger or disgust or pity on Alexander's face. But instead, all he saw was understanding, a soft and gentle understanding that made John more uncomfortable than anger would have.

"Your father made you lie," Alex whispered. Not a question but John nodded anyway. "I'm sorry, John."

John frowned, "Why are you sorry?"

"Because the world is a cruel place and some people's ideas of submissives are outdated and bigotted," Alex said, giving John a gentle smile. 

"You're not angry?" John asked softly, wiping away tears from his eyes. 

"Yes," Alex said, making John flinch, "but not at you. I'm angry at your father. And at the world for making you lie about who you are."

"Oh," John said, feeling much calmer. 

"Yeah," Alex scooted away from John a bit, giving him some space. "Do you want to tell the others?"

"No," John shook his head, eyes widening a bit. "No, Alex, I can't."

"They won't judge you," Alex said, watching John carefully.

"I know, I just can't," John looked down at his lap. "Not yet."

"Okay," Alex said. "When you're ready. Until then this will stay between us."

"Thanks," John whispered, smiling slightly.

"Of course, John, it's not my secret to share. I'm going to call Eliza and cancel that double date," Alex said, standing. "Wanna order a pizza and watch Netflix?"

"Sure," John said, looking up at Alex with a smile. "Want me to order the usual?"

"Yeah, thanks," Alex said, going to grab his phone. John watched with a smile as Alex stepped out of their dorm room to call Eliza. He looked down at the mark on his wrist, running his fingers over it gently; John was surprised that he didn't feel that pit of sickness forming in his stomach that he usually did when he saw the mark. Telling Alexander the truth had obviously helped alleviate some of the stress he left about lying constantly. And eventually he'd tell the others. But not today. Today he would just enjoy the fact that Alexander knew the truth and was still his friend. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Poor John. Alex may know the truth but things aren't going to get easier for John just yet...
> 
> So far I've been quite mean to the submissives in this universe but don't worry not all of them have had miserable childhoods/early adulthood...
> 
> The quartet lives in Carman Hall in suite 606. Alex and John in 606A / Lafayette and Hercules in 606B. It's unusual but not unheard of for a submissive (Laf) to be roomed with three dominants. [Here](http://housing.columbia.edu/files/housing/Carman%206.jpg) is the floor plan for their floor.
> 
> [My tumblr](http://www.isnonstop.tumblr.com) if you want to talk.


End file.
